Without words our minds would be swirling shadowy voids of unformed thoughts and impression. Which is almost exactly how you feel at the aftermath of a lock in at the Dog and Hammer.
There are 1025109.8 words in the English language.
In case you’re struggling to work out exactly what that number actually means ( I was), it’s: One million, twenty-five thousand, one hundred and nine…point eight.
And no I can’t figure out the point eight bit either.
But how many of those words do you know? What’s your word wealth?
According to Google, for the average person on the street it’s about 25,ooo to 35,000 words. For an ‘educated’ person it’s about 75,000.
It goes without saying that us writers should be absolutely rolling in words.
And to help you put ‘words in the bank’, here are five very cool words you may not have heard before, or you may (like me) have heard them and just not known what they meant.
- Egregious. Which means ‘outstandingly’ awful. Like any film with Madonna in it. Best used when voicing a complaint. E.g, ‘Your Asda price cornflakes have an absolutely egregious absence of taste’. Or, ‘ I find the claim that your McChicken nuggets are made from one hundred percent chicken breast to be an egregious violation of the truth’.
- Fumid. Meaning ‘smoky, or vaporous’. As in the inside of an airport smoking booth. Or the parlour of a crackhead. Best used in conjunction with a condescending tone of voice. E.g, ‘Really, the exhalations of your vaporiser are so bland as to be positively insipid. Not like the fumid ejaculations of my Marlboro red.’
- Crepuscular. Which can mean either, ‘ of twilight’, or ‘active in the twilight’. Like a three-year old who, for reasons unknown, suddenly becomes hyperactive at bed time. Best used when gossiping over a game of bridge. E.g, ‘Edith? Well, let’s just say, since Eric got that prescription for viagra she’s been leading a very crepuscular lifestyle. If you catch my drift.’ Not to be confused with a term used to describe the work of Stephanie Myer: Crapuscular.
- Disingenuous. Pretending to know less about a subject than you actually do. Like when you make out that you don’t know who won last years X Factor. Best used with a raised voice. E.g, ‘Ha! Your disingenuousness is as plain as your acne, I know you know exactly what beefybuffboys.com is because I’ve been through your browser history.’
- Cacography. Can mean either bad handwriting or atrocious spelling. Derivatives of which can be best used on the discovery of typo’s on a job applicants cv. E.g, ‘Whoa, bin this one dude, it’s totally cacographic.’ Or, ‘Check out this spelling of ‘atentive’, what a massive cacographer.’
Your word wealth has increased. Unless of course you already knew them. In which case congratulate yourself on your already luxuriant lexicon.
No, you don’t have to thank me. Satisfaction is its own reward.